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How to date without losing your mind - Part 1

Tochi Juliet
By Tochi Juliet
How to date without losing your mind - Part 1

One thing is to date, and another, the most important is to retain your sanity in the course of dating. It might sound weird, but many people have lost their mind, they turned to become the shadow of themselves because of a relationship.

Social media and dating

In social media, we encounter a series of lovable pictures of dating partners. If you are single, once you go through those love up pictures, you feel intense agitation within you to get a man or a woman for yourself.

The social media, as we know, showcases the unreal world, people's fantasies and their dreams, not always the reality. It may be shocking to know that some of those happy partners you see all loved up in social media posts are wallowing in depression.

Some lovers who share loved up pictures on social media are not genuinely happy in their relationship

Some persons have lost their minds as a result of a relationship.

In Instagram and other social media platforms, posts about being the perfect couple keep flying all around. Looking at the cheesy posts, one will be tempted to think that it's all that easy.

But let me burst your bubbles, dating isn't easy as it seems in social media. It's actually tons of hard work with compromise, understanding, sacrifices and more.

You have a life before the relationship

The issue of dating and forgetting self is a residing burden in my chest. The number of "Admin hide my ID" on social media these days is alarming.

All these are as a result of dating and forgetting self. I'm not a fan of Admin hide my ID, so I felt the necessity to put up this writeup.

Some persons focus on being the perfect girlfriend or boyfriend in a relationship and forget about the other important parameters in the relationship.

For them, showing the portrayal of a perfect and idol-like persona of a partner highly matters. However, while dating, you should never forget that you had a life before the relationship.

Remember you have a life first before you met him or her

A true-life story

A working-class Nigerian lady quits her job, relocated to the village to look after her boyfriend's mother in the hospital.

Note: Boyfriend I said, not husband.

The boyfriend happens to be a barrister, and he promised to be visiting every weekend. According to the lady, the boyfriend's mother likes the way she takes care of her.

This is a woman that gave birth to four daughters, both married and has children,, but none could stay with her.

The woman defecates on her body, urinates on herself and all that. The" humble good lady" who relocated to the village did all the work of packing the faeces, cleaning the woman up and the rest other odd jobs.

The heartbreaking incident that took place was that after three months, the boyfriend stopped visiting.

The boyfriend's sisters were addressing the lady just like a mere maid, and the last straw that broke Carmel's back was that the man later got married to another lady even when the girl was still looking after the mother.

The lady never knew until a month to the marriage. A friend sent her the wedding invitation card of her supposed boyfriend even while she was still in the village taking care of his mother.

Isn't that the height of wickedness? I will keep on emphasising on it; do not lose your mind in whatever relationship you find yourself in.

This article will guide you into being a perfect girlfriend or boyfriend without losing yourself and mind. It is possible to be happy in your relationship without sacrificing yourself like the "Sallah ram".

Set boundaries for yourself

The first step to take is to set boundaries for yourself. It takes a high level of self -esteem to set boundaries.

It is important to acknowledge your worth. Once you can look at yourself and say to yourself, I'm not a second class citizen, I'm a whole big package, then it becomes easy to state your dos and don't.

It is always good to set boundaries not minding the amount of "electric feelings" and "butterfly movements" in your tummy.

In setting boundaries, you equally have to learn to say no to certain things. Have a principle for yourself and once the request is out of your principle, learn to say no.

Even if your partner disapproves of your defiance, stick to your needs and learn to also fight for them. No means no. This can apply to emotional or sexual matters as well.

This situation will also help you to analyse your partner’s behaviour towards your independent thoughts and beliefs. If they take time and eventually accept your new side, then your partner is worth it.

But, if they continue to suppress or go against your wishes, then maybe you need to rethink your decision.

A true-life story

I will embellish this article with a touch of true-life story. A lady was visited by one of his suitors all the way from South Africa to Enugu.

It happens that the Lady didn't set any sexual boundary. She ended up having sex with the South African guy without protection.

In the following morning, they were to visit a medical laboratory to check genotype before considering marriage.

The lab scientist asked if they will conduct HIV test, the guy objected and the lady who doesn't want the guy to get angry and label her a strong-headed woman supported the South African guy.

After advice and persuasion from the lab scientist, they obliged only for the result to show the South African guy is HIV positive.

Wow! It was indeed sad. The deed has been done, and the hand of the clock can't be reversed.

Set boundaries! Do not lose yourself and sanity in that relationship.

In setting boundaries, you equally have to learn to say no to certain things.

Define your relationship

Expectations are a major thing in relationships, and so, it’s important to discuss what you want from each other from the very first day.

Some may think that the relationship can be a casual one, and thus there is no need to set strong expectations from day one.

I witnessed a scenario where a girl dated a lover for four years or more with the intention of marriage only for the guy to wake up and walked down the aisle with another lady.

It's always heartbreaking, but a critical look at the situation will tell you that the relationship was never defined.

The two were dating without purpose: not for fun, not for benefit, not for marriage, nothing at all.

Expectations are a major thing in relationships, and so, it’s important to discuss what you want from each other from the very first day.

This mostly happened to women. The lady was just in the relationship blindly. She never for once asked the guy where the ship is sailing to.

It amazes me when some ladies assume that those who asked their partners to define their relationship is cheap. It always comes as a big shock when I hear some say this.

In a relationship, there are two things involved: Define your relationship and have a peace of mind or maintain 'good girl' standard and face heartbreak.

Heartbreak is not always the case in all, but it is important, essential and crucial to state clearly what you want.

Once your relationship is defined, you can walk out peacefully if it isn't heading your direction. Defining your relationship can equally help you to know when your partner is digressing and as such, helps one to retreat and redefine it or walkout.

Love is a beautiful thing, and dating is amazing, but in a bid to love and date, don't lose your mind, sanity and self in that relationship.

Part two will discuss extensively on other factors to examine, maintain and uphold while dating in order not to lose your mind.

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