The five love languages explained: What is your love language?

Emeh Joy

Just like most relationship experts, Gary Chapman, the author of the book, 'The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts' agrees that knowing your love language could be the key secret to a great relationship.

Love in relationship and marriage: What are the five love languages?

Just like most relationship experts, Gary Chapman, the author of the book, 'The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts' agrees that knowing your love language could be the key secret to a great relationship.

Have you heard people say, "I want someone that will love me the right way?" Does it mean that someone can love you, but in the wrong way?

Well, definitely, our love languages differ. What Mrs A interprets as love and romance in a marriage might not be what Mrs B sees as love.

For Mrs A, love might mean her husband coming home every evening with gifts, flowers and cards. But, for Mrs B, she might not even regard such acts. Mrs B would rather have her husband always around her, sharing intimate moments and helping her with some chores.

Do you now understand the concept of love languages and how it differs for people? It simply means that people interpret love in different ways.

Gary Chapman has written many books on intimacy, relationship and marriage. He wrote "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate in 1992 and as expected, the book has made an enormous number of sales. It has been on the New York Times Best Seller list since 2009.

Many people are still reading Gary Chapman's book today as many seek to understand love and how it affects their relationships.

Humans since years past have sought answers to questions such as, "What is love?", "How do I know he/she loves me?" "What are the love languages?" "Is love enough in a marriage/relationship?"

Here, we try to answer the question about the love languages using Gary Chapman's model and concept.

What are the five love languages?

Gary Chapman, in his book, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts explained the concept of love languages, and it is quite simple.

There are five of them, and the key to unlocking the thrills, happiness and passion in a relationship or marriage is discovering which of these love languages you and your partner responds to the most.

People want to be loved in different ways. When you discover your partner's love language, you have to try to show them love the way they want to be loved. Otherwise, all your other efforts might not really make sense to them.

1. Words of affirmation

This is the love language that expresses love with words. Many of us are very much interested in our partner praising us, flooding our timelines with compliments.

Even the shortest, simplest but sweet words can be the most effective show of love for your partner. Someone whose love language is words of affirmation would yearn for their partner to always tell them pleasant things.

Words like;

"You look so beautiful in that dress."

"I love the way you make me laugh."

"You are doing amazingly great; I'm proud of you", could mean a lot for such person.

On the other hand, insulting and negative words could be a huge deal-breaker for someone whose love language is words of affirmation.

If you notice this is your partner's love language, you have to be careful the way to talk to them and the things you say to them because while they might easily forgive other things, it might take them longer to forgive you when you use the wrong words on them.

2. Acts of service

Are you someone with the motto, "Action speaks louder than words"? If you are, your love language would most likely be acts of service.

People with this love language believe that the best way to show love to someone is by doing those things the person loves. For them, you show love through your acts of service to your partner.

Someone with this love language would love it when their partner takes the initiative to prepare surprise dinner for them, help them pick up things from the grocery store, help them do the dishes and laundry etc.

People whose primary love language is acts of service holds your actions above everything else. They feel your love through the things you do.

If you are showing your partner love through actions, you should do so with positive energy and your partner's happiness in mind. If done with a negative tone or insincere motives, it might not end well.

Receiving gifts

This love language sounds materialistic, right? But, it shouldn't be interpreted that way. Let's be frank with ourselves. We all love receiving gifts from a loved one; it makes us feel special.

A gift from someone you love will mean a lot more to you than that received from a random individual. A meaningful and well thought out gift would make your partner feel not only loved but also appreciated.

The gift doesn't necessarily have to be an expensive one!

For people with this love language, something as simple as getting them their favourite flowers, getting them a new PC to help with their writing, getting them a pet if they love pets or buying them their favourite drink could lit up their face with smiles.

This is quite different from Acts of service where your partner is more interested in your actions towards them.

4. Quality time

Do you always yearn for your partner's undivided attention? If you do, then quality time is much likely to be your primary love language.

If this is your partner's love language, you will find out that they always want to be with you with only themselves as the centre of attention.

Such a partner might quarrel with you if you are pressing your phone while they are with you. They love it when you stare at them across the room.

Someone with this love language will always want to spend time with his/her partner. They cherish times spent together as a couple.

They would dedicate more time to being with their partners as this makes them feel loved. If your partner is in this category, you have to show them, love, by spending more time with them. You can spice things up a bit by creating a romantic atmosphere when you are together.

Take them out on dates (just two of you), go to the movies. Make out time for your partner. Also, note that your partner would likely feel more hurt if you cancel get-together plans you both had without relevant reasons.

5. Physical touch

Finally, there is that group of people that just want their partner all over them. For people with physical touch as their love language, a long-distance relationship might be a big issue for them because they always want to feel a physical connection with their partner.

Physically touching her might not necessarily mean sex. It could just be the simple physical acts of holding hands, hugging and kissing.

People with this love language would also love the public display of affection. They want to be seen walking the streets with you, with your hands entwined together.

A partner with physical touch as a primary language will feel unloved if there is no physical touch in the relationship.

You might get them gifts and tell them nice things, but it would all seem incomplete if they don't feel you close by; not only emotionally but physically as well.

What is your love language?

So, now that we have talked about the five love languages, what is your love language? Have you been able to decipher yours?

Would you rather have your partner tell you pleasant things, or do you want them showing you love through their actions?

Do you prefer to receive gifts? Do you always wish to spend quality time with your partner, or do you want to feel them physically around you?

To be clear:

One person can have more than one love language; however, there is always that primary love language that is more pronounced than others.

If you haven't discovered your partner's love language, you should try to do that as understanding each other's primary love language would help create a stronger bond in the relationship or marriage.

Take the love language quiz

Would you want to find out your love language? You could spare a few minutes and take a love language quiz.

This quiz promises to be fun and has helped millions of people discover their love languages and understand why they have certain issues in their relationships.

We would love to get your feedback after taking the quiz. Kindly share with us in the comment section, your love quiz result. Let's know your love language!