Classic contents from the editorial roundtable

Relationship question: Should a woman ask a man out?

Love and relationship: A woman proposing to a man
EJ
Emeh Joy

This is a trending question; one many people have argued about. Is it in the place of a woman or rather, is it right for a woman to ask a man out or propose to him? Must the proposal come from the man?

Before writing this piece, I had to put aside my own opinion to ask a friend what she feels about this topic. We had the conversation over a cup of tea as I love having third-party views on issues like this. Somehow some of her responses matched mine. Here is the summary of what she said:

  • There are no rules to it. Sometimes, a woman asks a guy out, and it works out for the two.
  • A woman asking a man out would not be inappropriate depending on the circumstance. For instance, it won't be inappropriate if the two have known each other for a while and have been friends and she realizes the man is shy or doesn't know how to go about asking her out.
  • It would be best if the woman goes about it indirectly rather than being forward about it (if the two haven't always known each other)
  • A woman seeking for a relationship or asking a man out is different from making marriage proposals to a man. The latter is a whole new level and has higher chances of not turning out well for the female folk, especially in this part of the world (Africa).

Okay, let's talk about the woman asking the man out first before we go to the marriage proposal part. Just as she said in the first point highlighted, there are really no rules to it. I have seen women ask men out, and it works out for them.

Some men don't take that first step when they like a lady for some reasons. Men are humans too and just like the women, some of them are scared of rejection, some do not know the right time to ask, and some even wonder if the women see them as ideal partners.

In such case where you realize you like the man too but he isn't bold enough to approach you, don't you think it will only be fair to make things easier for him?

This isn't about, "He who findeth a wife findeth a good thing". No one is saying you should go in search of a man. The man is right there before you as a friend, you have always felt connected with. Do you let some rule or the traditional way of things hold you back?

Do you know what else I would endorse? Asking indirectly. Yes, believe it or not, in my part of the world, some men or society still views a woman as cheap or "desperate" when she takes the step of asking a man out.

So, in such case where you don't want to come off as "cheap", and you like this person, what about taking some steps that will lead them into popping the question? Make them see you.

A woman can take the initiative to ask the man she likes out for a drink, lunch, dates over the weekend

If it's a work colleague, you can offer a lunch treat, ask if they will be free to see a movie over the weekend. However, I will have to add here that you should know when to stop. Don't ever force things with anyone; it almost never ends well.

If you try a couple of times and it doesn't work, just take the cue that they aren't interested in you and the feelings aren't mutual. Don't go throwing yourself at someone who isn't interested in you.

And you know what else you should do? Kill the feeling if any has developed! You heard me, right? The feeling has to die; otherwise, it would keep on haunting you.

"What about proposing marriage?" you will ask. First of all, this is Africa and more precisely, Nigeria. The environment is a factor that should also be taken note of when topics like this are being discussed.

Everyone has the right to their own opinion and right here, I would say, its a "no" for me. Call me old-fashioned, but I believe it should be in the place of the man to pop that marital question finally.

I wouldn't be against giving him the green light and asking questions of where the relationship is heading to, but in my opinion, a man should take the step of asking the woman to marry him.

A woman should allow her partner take the next huge step of walking her down the aisle

The western culture is different from African culture, and their society differs from that of Africa. If a man doesn't ask that question here after being in a relationship with a woman, it is most likely because he isn't ready for marriage yet or because he just doesn't see the woman as the ideal person to spend his life with.

Would you want to force it on him? That would most likely backfire. I'd rather women in such relationships ask their men what plans they have for them rather than directly proposing marriage.

I suggest finding out if you both have a future together to save yourself the stress and the embarrassment that might come with popping the question as a female.

Finally, it only makes sense that two adults in a relationship should be able to communicate and tell each other the truth about how they feel about each other. Perhaps, if we are honest with each other, things wouldn't be that hard in relationships.

Share With Friends